For so long, I didn't even realise my emotional needs were valid, let alone how to speak up for them. I was the "cool" girl. Easygoing, passive, just going with the flow in my relationships, thinking that would keep me loved and accepted. Deep down, I had no idea that I was allowed to voice what I wanted, let alone have it respected. It wasn't until I felt the constant weight of anxiety creeping in that I knew something had to change.
I was putting all my attention on him, on us, making his needs more important than my own wellbeing. I'd get anxious, triggered by his actions, but I tried to play it cool, not overreact, not let him see how much it affected me. But the truth was, I was questioning my worth every time he didn't show up the way I thought he should. I made it mean I wasn't good enough, and it left me feeling unseen, undervalued, and disconnected from myself.
The patterns
It was during those moments of anxiety and self-doubt that it finally landed: I can't use people or situations to make me feel worthy, only I can do that. That was a huge wake-up call. I was the one responsible for me feeling good. This realisation was the beginning of my journey back to myself. To honoring myself and my needs.
I started noticing the patterns. I'd crave his validation, waiting for him to do or say something that would make me feel seen. And when he didn't, it felt like a blow. If he didn't want to spend time with me, I took it as "you're not good enough to spend time with," and it would hurt. But in reality, his decisions had nothing to do with my value. He could treat me like gold and cherish me, or he could choose not to. Either way, it didn't dictate my worth. That's on me to define and uphold.
Learning to be with myself
The real work began when I realised I had to be with myself. To hold my own center, no matter what was happening outside of me. It wasn't about controlling him or the situation. It was about how I showed up for myself, and for my life.
I had to keep pulling myself back and asking: "What am I feeling right now? What need am I trying to have met by him, and how do I meet that myself?"
It became this ongoing practice of returning to myself. Nurturing me first. And I started to see my triggers differently. Not as proof of my unworthiness, but as little signposts, pointing me to where I still wasn't taking responsibility for my own needs. And it was messy. It was uncomfortable. But it was so necessary.
Being okay in the unknown
This whole journey was tough, to say the least, but it was eye-opening. I learnt that if I allowed behaviour that didn't feel good, it wasn't because I wasn't worthy. It was because I hadn't set the boundary yet. I had to figure out: was I asserting a boundary to honour myself, or was I trying to fill a void through someone else? There were so many moments of pausing, feeling my emotions, and choosing not to abandon myself through the process.
It was also about learning to be okay in the unknown. Sitting with the discomfort of not having the answer. Not needing to control every outcome. Safety within myself. Trusting that I am enough, no matter what. I started validating my own experiences, embracing whatever I was feeling, and making sure I was nourishing and holding myself first.
If you see yourself in this
Learning to stop outsourcing your worth. To come back to yourself when triggered. To validate your own experience instead of waiting for someone else to. This is not a solo path. It's deep, it's uncomfortable, and it asks everything of you. But it's also the most important work you'll ever do.
This is exactly what we practice, every week, in the sessions. You lie on a mat, I guide you, and you learn to stay with what you feel instead of overriding it. With a group of women doing the same.
Working with a somatic coach like myself helped create that safe space where I could be seen, challenged, and supported. Hearing someone else validate my experience, without trying to change it, changed things for me. It's why I do this work.
The next term, Relate, is about exactly this. Relationships as a mirror. Your triggers, patterns and projections, showing you where to go deeper.
Your worth isn't negotiable with outside situations or people. Your value has always been there.
The most important connection you'll ever have is with yourself. When you honour that, everything else falls into place.
Your first session is free. Use code FIRSTFREE when you book.
